Mi Ultimo Dia en Espana

from my journal on 4/12:
"Well, this is it. What have I learned? Mucho. What do I have left to learn? Mucho, mucho mas. Thank You, sweet Jesus."

from Mike Howertons' Miles to Cross:

"I don't know all the answers. I don't. Can one person really know? Can there be certainty despite confusion? But I do know God, and because of HIM:

I say life's for living.

Road's for traveling.

Eye's for wondering.

Soul's for soaring.

Bag's for sleeping.

Heart's for loving.

God, please don't allow me too much success and ease as the devil's advocate. Please don't allow my love of ale and travel disqualify me from a role in Your delight. Do I really have to become a safe, boring Christian in order to love You? Tell me what my heart longs to hear... that following YOU well is the only true adventure left."

"Have I climbed mountains of experience and trekked miles down the twisting road of life, only to return devoid of anything tangible, fulfilling? Am I returning to the States with mementos of truth notched in my belt?

What do I know?

I know that it is more important to focus on the journey than the destination. Each mile has a wealth of beauty, and new unexplored groves of trees, and unnoticed shades of green, rocks, hills, a bend in the road that tickles the belly at high speed. Destinations are secondary. They are important, but not most important. Like goals, they are necessarily discarded once achieved. The destination, then, is temporary, but the journey goes on.

I know the mystics were right... there is a mystery in the mundane. God is in the moment-by-moment. He is vastly nearer than most people think.

I know there is more romance here than I ever thought possible... quite enough to keep the Wordsworths and Poes and Falstaffs and Howertons happy for lifetime upon lifetime.

And I know, like sunshine on the back of your neck in July, love beats down upon this place without ceasing.

The bit you play on this stage is of infinite importance. There is a purpose. I'm not sure I know mine yet. But I'm after it with all I've got."

"...somewhere it hit me- joy. Like a doule-shot of espresso, my heart pounding in my throat, I wanted to run, so I did; I wanted to sing, so I did; I wanted to fly, and maybe I did, but it was because I was thankful, I was so thankful, I AM so thankful. I couldn't stop saying thank You, thank You, thank You, God, thank You for loving this wandering pilgrim and for loving all wandering pilgrims, and experiencing only His love back, more and more, a Divine Yes, Yes, Yes, affirming love, affirming life, affirming myself, Yes, even affirming the journey, because in the final analysis, it all works together for His glory, Yes, and can I live for His glory? Yes, and can I point others toward His glory? Yes. And Yes. And YES.

My heart is bursting, and it's all I can do to keep my feet on the ground. Life.

Is there anything else?"

Thank you, all of you, for making this great adventure possible. It was a time in my life that I will never forget.

Final Days in the Place I Love

from my journal on 4/11:

"Raining again. It was raining when Katie left, and I guess Spain is sad to see me go, too. I'm at La Mallorquina for a final round of cafe con leche, napolitana de chocolate, y bocadillo de jamon y queso. Clint is so right about coffee- it warms the hands, the heart, the soul. I love it, and I can't wait to share some of the Spanish coffee I just bought with him. "

"The band I love so much was on the Metro from Cuzco to Tribunal, pounding out "Tequila" and other upbeat, brassy songs with horns and an upright bass. It made me happy to be alive and difficult to keep my feet still. I gladly gave them some money. They earned it. I also passed the gentle old violinist who sits in Sol. I listened and watched for a moment. He is so peaceful when he plays, and you can see that he loves it, like he is home. The music loves him back, and the notes wrap around him lovingly. They embrace me, too, and I am glad."

"A deep sorrow is threatening to settle into my bones, but joy beats it back. The joy of experience, of adventure and love, of opportunity, of faith and hope for more of the same, is more powerful than any sorrow on earth, and I take shelter in it and smile, because this is my life, and I am blessed by grace and for grace alone.

Joy pervades, and my heart sags with the lovely weight of it. My eyes fill with tears of thanks and I smile, knowing there is much more ahead."

Lessons Learned

Well, it's a bit of an understatement to say that Spain has been the most challenging, exciting, educational experience of my life. I'd like to share with you some of the things I have been enlightened to, in hopes that you will learn something, too. Here is an excerpt from my journal, titled "Things I Have Learned in Spain".

- Fight to always be amazed and never apathetic.
- "No pasa nada." Worrying about something NEVER makes things better, it just wastes time.
- Do not be wasteful (with food, electricity, water, etc.). However, it is perfectly acceptable to have a three hour lunch and then take a nap in the park.
- Be passionate, but quick to both forgive and seek forgiveness.
- Be kind to foreigners and show them extreme grace and understanding.
- Children need discipline.
- I will choose darkness over light, if only because I am lazy. I must be discplined and obedient.
- Always, always, always love. People are hard to love. Love them anyway.
- Fight ethnocentrisity and fight it hard. America is a fantastic country, but there is much, much more to see and experience in the world.
- Be aware of the difference between action out of wounded pride and the true time for assertiveness.
- The experience of missing something or someone points to a worthwhile life and meaningful experience.
- Different is not always better or worse, it's just different.
Don't let people, circumstances, or a bad attitude keep you from having the time of your life.
- Bloom where you're planted. Make the most of the time you've got regardless of your surroundings.
- I believe in God because my soul longs for Him and His deepness, beauty, and truth. My soul knows He is the best way and the best thing and cries out for more.

Paseo del Prado

I found one of my new favorite places the other day- El Paseo del Prado. It's a long avenue lined with museums, shops, restaurants, and gardens. Perfect for an afternoon stroll to reminisce on a great, great trip.

El Museo del Prado

Real Jardin Botanico de Madrid

from my journal on 4/11:

"I feel as though I am swimming through a sea of tulips, because they are everywhere, in every shade imaginable- lilac, deep ruby red, midnight blue, canary yellow, fiery sunset orange. Tulips are my favorite flower, and to be surrounded by so many stirs in me a deep affection for the Creator who sees fit to woo me with such beauty."

"The air is refreshing and still, and I am at peace as the perfume from countless flowers beckons sweetly. I walk on into the deep, cool green as Sufjan Stevens, Feist, and Rocky Votolato serenade me into serenity."

"The statues here are made of smooth gray stone, and they are stoic, respectable, their gazes dignified and resolute. But at night, I'm sure they slip down from their tall, ivy-covered pedestals and frolic through the gardens. How could they resist? I envy them that."

"Josh Rouse sings that "Love is gonna find a way," and he's right, of course. I believe him. But how could I not when I'm surrounded by so much of it?"

Atocha Station

There's a rainforest inside Atocha Station, filled with turtles, lizards, and birds. I kept expecting dinosaurs, too, but they must have been hiding.

I am captivated by this city.

Nice to Meet You

Allow me to introduce you to the other kids that I teach in addition to Chloe, Victor, and Felix.

Suma and Maga came from India to Spain when they were seven years old. They are awesome girls and I have loved getting to know them. They don't speak much English, and I don't speak much Spanish, so this has been a learning experience for all of us, made possible with my amazing Spanish/English Dictionary and enthusiastic hand signals. Hopefully I've managed to teach them a little bit. They've definitely taught me.

When I told their mother how soon I will be leaving, but that I might return this summer, she nodded vigorously and said "Ojala," which means "God willing." I love when people say "Ojala."


The Garcia Family: Maria, Harry (the huge dog), Guillermo, Maria.

Miguel Garcia

Miguel, me, Guille, Maria.

The Garcias have been a huge blessing to me. The kids' mother, Maria, is such a sweet woman who never fails to bring me cafe con leche and an assortment of delicious Spanish galletas (cookies) during our lessons.

Miguel and I have very interesting conversations about futbol, cursing in Spanish vs. English, throwing up, and my incident with the clown the other day. After I told him about it, he began to mimic a clown swinging on a swingset, and said in a horrible creepy voice, "Hello, Cait. You want be my friend?" It was hilariously awful. The twins and I constantly play "Go Fish" and it is so much fun. Guille has an awesome sense of humor and Maria is super sweet.

Maria gave me some chorizo y jamon serrano to take home with me. She also invited me to come stay with them in their beach house in Alicante this summer, which would be amazing. She constantly talks about my sonrisa (smile) and calls me alegre. I asked Chantal about the translation for alegre- it literally means "happy," but Miguel told me it means more than that, though he wasn't able to describe it. Chantal said it's like a little girl at the playground, laughing and playing without a care in the world. Like a deep inner joy.

I love that. I love that the beauty and love I have experienced is evident to others. I want to show it more, and I want more of it. I love that the greatest force in the universe pours Himself out in trees and tulips and art and water and sky and sand, always there, always affirming, always showing a deeper and greater beauty than I knew the day before. I love that He has let me be a part of it, and that others can see it in me. It is not mine to claim. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You.

Still Alive, Still in Spain

from my journal on 4/4:

"What a great time I had with Mom- Sorolla, cafe, pizza, talking, hotel, walking. It has been such a blessing to be able to meet up with her. I can't believe my time here is almost at an end. Impossible! Ugh, how bittersweet. What a treasure and joy this experience has been, Lord.

Thank You for moments like right now- sitting on a park bench in the sun under a corridor of trees at Plaza de Espana, stomach full of gratis cafe con leche y croissants thanks to Jose (one of the older men who works at the hotel bar). He offered to rent a room to me for cheap thirty minutes outside of Madrid for when I return. This was an interesting conversation, because at first I completely misunderstood and thought he meant rent a room for thirty minutes- needless to say, I was outraged and shocked that my friend would suggest such a thing, and was not sure what to do next except look for a hotel manager. Jose went to find one of his hotel buddies who speaks English (broken English at best) and the issue was resolved fairly quickly. As frustrated as I am with my inadequate Spanish it sure does make life interesting sometimes.

Walking to the hotel last night, the sun was setting and a cool breeze was coming with the dusk. I closed my eyes, still walking (in a move that I thought was quite daring), and let the coolness of the evening wash over me, savoring the feeling and smiling at the fact that I'm alive and still in Spain, if only for a little while longer."

A Spanish Soundtrack

if you know me well, you know i love music, and that i especially love making playlists. soundtracks, if you will, for various times and stages of my life. well, Spain has been no different, and i have spent the past few months noticing that certain songs fit ino certain parts of my day and seem to make me more aware of my surroundings- the people, the scenery, the culture of a city that is very much alive.
i think anything that makes you look around and pay attention to life is important, and id like that share that with you. so if youre interested in taking a more intimate look into my time in Madrid, or even if you just want some new music, read on, and enjoy.


Bus Playlist
"Ring of Fire" Johnny Cash
"Rains in Asia" Jump
"Whistle for the Choir" The Fratellis
"Sea Shell" Seabear
"Past in Present" Feist
"Roundabout" Axe Riverboy
"Chicago" Sufjan Stevens
"Silver Lining" Rilo Kiley



Rainy Sunday Morning Playlist
"Long Way Down" Guster
"#41" Dave Matthews Bans
"Love Will Come Through" Travis
"Float On" Modest Mouse
"Gospel Song" Magnet
"Wild Horses" The Rolling Stones
"Keep It Loose, Keep It Tight" Amos Lee


Metro Playlist
"Don't Panic" Coldplay
"Wires" Athlete
"Sing" Travis
"Maybe Tomorrow" Stereophonics
"Son of Gold" David Vandervelde
"Writing's On the Wall" Album Leaf
"Could You Be Loved" Bob Marley
"Tourist" Athlete
"Title and Registration" Death Cab for Cutie
"Come, Oh Come Emmanuel" Joshua James


Walking Playlist
"Take Me Out" Franz Ferdinand
"Dirt Off Your Shoulders" Jay-Z
"My Moon, My Man" Feist
"Pieces of the People We Love" The Rapture
"Use It" The New Pornagraphers
"My Doorbell" The White Stripes
"Beautiful Collision" David Crowder
"Jumpin' Jack Flash" The Rolling Stones
"Reset" Mutemath

"The days, days, days..

run away
like horses over the hills"
-U2, "Dirty Day"

How is it that time manages to slip away so quickly? The days have indeed been racing past me lately, and it is all I can do to reach out, grasping blindly, and hope that I'll manage to grab something solid. There's too much to see here, too much to do, but never enough time, and I've prayed for the strength to keep up. That's not a complaint- I would never complain about my time in Spain, it has been the best thing I've ever done, but it sure is awfully bittersweet at times. Using pictures and words, I'll fill you in briefly (and by briefly I mean not so briefly) on what has been happening the past few days.


Look at those little fools! What are they doing? I was walking to the Metro from my house one day last week when I stepped over a slowly wriggling rope laying on the concrete. What?! I was forced to stop, turn around, and bend down to the ground. A slowly wriggling rope? Nope, caterpillars. Hundreds of caterpillars, making a long line that trailed off deep into the forest and ran alongside the highway. Even more interesting- these are the dreaded caterpillars that managed to lodge bits of themselves in Felix's eye last year.
Where were they going? How did they know how to get there? They were following one lead caterpillar and were lined up end to end as far as I could see. I was fascinated, and must have sat there for about 10 minutes. Since I'm sure that even in Spanish society it is looked down upon to sit on the side of the highway staring transfixed at a bunch of bugs, I got up reluctantly and left. Also, their behavior reminded me a bit of the spiders in Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets, so it was probably best that I left when I did. If you don't know what I'm talking about then we're probably not really friends.

I told Chloe about this later and she looked at me like I was a freak. I must have been really excited when I was telling her about it. These critters and their conga-line tendencies are apparently a normal occurrence in the area where I live. Chloe calls them procesionales, after the great processions of Semana Santa, which I thought was really funny. I asked her why they acted this way, and she again looked at me like I was mental and said, "I do not know, I am not a worm!"


Next story. Walking home from Metro Norte late one evening, I passed a playground, which are ALWAYS creepy at night. I am always on pretty high alert when making the Walk of Shame, especially when it's dark, and even moreso now that I know a certain Homeless McGee lives down in the gully by the Metro. I rarely ever see other people when making this walk at night, but as I passed the playground, I saw someone, and it made me jump out of my skin. A shadowy figure, leaning against the chainlink fence. Just leaning there, not moving, just waiting (for me?? to kill me??).

I took a few deep breaths and walked past, holding my head high and looking straight at the person, daring them to come closer. I came close enough to see that it was not, in fact, a person, but a CLOWN. A freaking CLOWN in a PLAYGROUND in the dead of NIGHT and i am alone and defenseless and I would almost rather it be a person than a clown. "Oh, fudge," I say out loud in a quiet voice, half in relief, half in still very real horror. Except that I didn't say "fudge."

I kept waiting for the clown to move, because it was obviously just biding its time, and then it would throw itself against the fence and hang there like a giant spider, laughing maniacally, and I would be petrified with terror, unable to move. Maybe I have an overactive imagination, but I was sure that this was going to happen.

Also, now I know that there are two of them. They don't look so bad during the day, but at night it's basically the scariest thing you've ever seen. I have not made the Walk of Shame at night since.

from my journal on 4/2:
"I made 4 pizzas for dinner last night. I think that's what I was supposed to do but I'm not sure. Chantal was going to a meeting (late of course), and was throwing pans and ingredients everywhere. She gave me 4 bags of dough, enough for one pizza each. Was it too much to assume that I was to make 4 pizzas? I'm not so sure. Chloe helped me, and we had a lot of fun. We made tuna pizza. Why not? It was good. Spanish tuna is better than American tuna for some reason. Chloe thought she would be clever and put a lettuce leaf under some tomato sauce to trick me into eating it. "Don't look under that tomato sauce right there!" she said. So hilarious. I do love these kids. Thank You, Lord."
(update: I was NOT supposed to make 4 pizzas. Last week we ate pizza every single day. It was goooooood.)

later that day..

"Katie, Erin, and I had a great day strolling through Del Prado and having a lunch of bocadillos y Pepsi outside the Reina Sofia. The sun was warm, the breeze was cool, the company was great, and a young man was wandering up and down the scatterings of tables and chairs at the various outdoor cafes in front of us, playing a clarinet for tips. The music drifted over us, settling in our souls.

We talked about what an accomplishment Spain has been- how it has developed such a sense of independence and confidence in each of us. But the time is coming to go home and now develop our responsibility. Katie and I are fighting this- we don't want to go home. Every so often, we look at each other and make this noise that communicates our frustration about our immiment return, and I am reminded, ironically, of the first week we were here, when we would look at each other and grin like idiots over the good fortune of finding ourselves in Spain. Even so, I am thankful. Eternally, unspeakably grateful."

taking a rowboat out on the lake at Buen Retiro. Rowing is hard work!

Where else but in Spain can you get alcohol at McDonald's? I hate beer. I HATE it. I forgot about this simple fact because I was so caught up in all the excitement. After one sip, I thought I was going to die. However, I definitely did not want to waste it, so I freaking chugged it in two huge gulps. I've never regretted anything so much in my whole life. (A bit dramatic, I suppose it really wasn't that bad, except that it really was that bad.)



I went to Victor's basketball game a few weekends ago. It was fun and he did really well. That's him in the very center. We're currently reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I swear, I've created a monster with this kid. He loves Harry Potter so much, and that is OK by me. The new HP movie comes out on Vic's birthday!

Felix lost a tooth. This tooth has been loose for quite some time now, and he has tried everything to get it to come out, even bashing it repeatedly with a rock. I was enlightened to a bit more of Spanish culture with this occurrence, as the Spanish do not have a tooth fairy, but a rat, that comes and removes the tooth from under the pillow in exchange for some money. You're probably thinking- "That is disgusting! Diseased vermin crawling over you while you sleep, what a deranged idea." But that darn rat brought Felix a 2 euro coin, and I am nearly flat broke again, so I might just find a rock of my own and see if I can get that little fleabag to pay me a visit.

Chloe is now into modeling and uses the Metro as her personal runway. I absolutely adore her and want her to come live with me.



Choco Crack is my new favorite cereal. It really gives me that extra boost in the morning.



I made a visit to the Royal Palace, and it was absolutely amazing.



from my journal on 4/4:
"Periwinkle and peacock blues, sea foam and emerald green, dusty rose, swirls of chocolate brown and deepest midnight black, gleaming golds, marigold yellows, scarlet red. More chandeliers than I've ever seen in my life. The most elaborate tapestries, the most detailed frescoes, Goya portraits strewn casually throughout. I've seen some of the finest palaces in Portugal and Spain, but Madrid's is the fairest of them all. Well done."



What a beautiful life.

I spent last Saturday exploring an Egyptian temple (El Templo de Debod).





There is artwork everywhere in Madrid.



from my journal on 4/5:
"What a great day. Lazy hours spent at Debod, lounging against a tree and reading in the shade, enjoying the sunwarmed grass. And now, laying on the chaise lounge on the terrace, listening to the usual church choir of birds and the hardworking rumble of the coffeemaker in the kitchen. It makes me think of Dad and early mornings. I miss him. He is the best man I know.

I slip into the sleepiness that comes with the late afternoon like leaning my head on the shoulder of a good friend. Though I think I am developing a heart murmur from all the coffee I have drunk today, I am happy and warm and content."